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07 August 2010 @ 04:59 pm
Hmmm  
I love my friends. I really do. We could do anything together and I'd have a great time. So if everything goes well when I get my result in two weeks and I end up going to Liverpool University I will miss them like crazy. One friend is going to Bristol University hopefully whilst the other is staying on at college for another 2 years to get 2 more A levels (so she'll have 5 in total in English, Maths, Chemistry, Law and Sociology orz) so I won't be able to see them often at all.

Of course I'm petrified of making new friends because I'm sure I'll never be as comfortable around others as I am with them. I have really low self-confidence most of the time and they've helped me get over that. I can look like utter shit around them and still not worry about them judging me.

But I am still so awkward around strangers. I find it really hard to give people I don't know eye contact (unless I'm drunk, then I just spark up random conversations so they think I'm weird either way) and I won't go out of my way to speak to someone I don't know so I'm so worried that people will mistake that for me being rude and ignore me and I'll be a loner >.<. I am a sociable person, I just need time to come out of my shell. I'm sharing my uni accommodation flat with 5 others, 3 boys and 2 girls so I'm worried that they won't like me either haha. I actually won't know what I will do if one of those guys is cute. If I'm being served by a cute cashier I get all embarrassed so I would be 10x worse if I had to live with a cute guy haha.

But there's a school friend I've drifted away from recently. I feel like such a bad friend but I can't stand being around her. She always just seems to have this negative vibe about her. She started skipping school a lot this year and her priorities became her boyfriend, sex, alcohol and smoking so I found it really difficult to relate to her about anything. She was the one that introduced me to J-pop through Final Fantasy and she also liked all the K-pop I shared with her. But she's changed so much over the past 3 years. I've been friends with her for 6 years now so I don't want to throw away such a long term friendship, and I do still care about her but it's got to the point where I have nothing to talk about with her.

I haven't even spoken to her in the last 3 months. She's been staying at her Dad's house which is about 30 mins away and both of my other close friends drive so it wouldn't be hard to see her but each time we ask she just basically ignores us. It frustrates me so much because I feel like she's just thrown her whole future away. She was so gifted academically but she pretty much just threw it all away by not studying and skipping school and now she's happy going to a third-rate university (seriously, it's 100 out of 120 whereas mine is 25 and my friend's is 10) and I just don't even know anymore. I feel so bad about moving away from home without saying goodbye to her but it's got to the point where I don't even know if I care enough anymore :(

I can't believe there's only 11 days until results day. I keep having nightmares about failing. I WANT TO GO TO LIVERPOOL SO BAD! I've fallen in love with it. But I don't even know anymore.
 
 
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Riztheycallmeriz on August 7th, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
Heyy there, I don't think we've spoken much on here. :')

First off- I have quite a few friends in Liverpool and in general, the people there are lovely. Also, there're different people from ALL OVER THE WORLD going there, so I'm sure you'll make new friends. :)

About being shy, I think maybe you just have to pretend you're not. Seriously. People are a lot nicer than you'd at first think. Two of my best friends at the minute I didn't even speak to for the first three years of secondary school because I thought they were bitchy ho's. Turns out, they're two of the LEAST bitchy people I've ever met :')

I do totally sympathise with the freaking out over meeting new people though, I'm about to start College in the other half of the country and I'm TERRIFIED. I went to PRIMARY SCHOOL with some of the people I go to school with at the minute and this is the first MAJOR scene change I'm getting. I just... I don't know. Deep breaths. Smile. Stay calm. I have tonnes of friends here, so I'm just hoping people down in Cambridge are as easy to get on with. :)

Oh good Lord. Don't even bother with that. There is little that pisses me off more than people who should no better NOT doing better. And if they don't listen to sense; well- then they're a twat. She might have been great before, but if she's throwing her life away, you shouldn't blame yourself or anything. There's nothing you can do. People just... go off the rails sometimes. -_-

GOOD LUCK ON RESULTS DAY!! I'm having small panic attacks at random intervals over mine :')
Kellyrinareechan on August 12th, 2010 03:00 pm (UTC)
I don't think we have XD Our epic politics conversation was pretty cool though haha.

Yeah, whenever I've been there the people seem lovely. The first time I went there I got lost and this man helped me out XD

Yeah, I tend to misjudge people horribly. But saying that I've met a lot of lovely people this year that I hadn't talked to before so I've realised that not everyone is how they appear.

That sounds exciting for you! It's going to be daunting but I guess you'll adjust after you get used to the new surroundings. It's strange though, to think that you've known some people for most of your life and now you're never going to see them again unless you're close ;_;

Yeah, I've realised I don't even care about her anymore. What's the point if she's not going to make an effort either. Sigh.

You too! I keep having creepily realistic dreams about it haha, half where I'm successful, half where I'm not. It should be worth it though, hopefully anyway XD